Tonight I got to take my ten year old son to a performance at his elementary school. It was a night when any student who wants to participate can perform a song or dance. My son was singing with the school's acapella group, a group that he has sung with for the past two years.
While at my son's performance I saw some boys that frankly, left me not only dreading middle school, but fearful of it. These boys had swagger. My son tells me they were fifth graders. I thought they were in eighth grade. Costumed in "private school" attire for their performance, it wasn't so much the way they were dressed but the way they stood against the wall, tossing their bangs to the side, joking around, and quietly making fun of the performing students. I could tell these were the cool guys. I know better than to judge a person by appearances but I just couldn't help it tonight. My sweet ten year old boy, my first born, my baby, will be a fifth grader next year and I'm terrified that in some way he'll have to deal with these boys, or even worse, that he'll be one of these boys.
I kept trying to see these boys as I'm sure their mamas see them. Innocent. Babies. Trying on different costumes, different ways of being in the world, wanting to figure out what fits. But it was difficult. I had a really hard time seeing past the Justin Bieber bangs and frat boy behavior.
It's not that I don't want my baby to grow up. I do. I'm excited to see what life brings my boy. I'm anxious to know where God is leading him, how he will mature, what kind of person he will be. But I never want him to feel like he has to have swagger to be cool, to be liked. This may be "Mama Bragging" but it's true: my baby boy has always been friends with all different kinds of people. I guess that's what bothered me about these boys. They were so homogenous and clique-ish. Heck, I was afraid of being made fun of by them! I don't want my boy to give up his diverse group of friends for pack mentality.
Walking to the car I asked him about these guys. I said, "Are they nice or...are they cocky?" You could argue that I was leading the question but my boy immediately said, "Oh, they are cocky." "Why do you say that?" I asked. "Well, we versed them in basketball. And then I saw one of them in the hall later he asked me if I was on the (insert name of team here) I said, 'Yeah,' and he just laughed out loud." I asked him if the boy's reaction bothered him and he shrugged his shoulders and said, "No. Whatever."
My baby doesn't seem bothered by these boys. For that, I am thankful. I'm also thankful for a ten year old boy who still crawls up on my lap and talks to me about his life. I know these days are waning. The middle school years are coming. Girls, dating, friends, and basketball are all about to trump Mama. So I will hold him close for now, praying he makes good friends, right choices, and most of all that he knows deep in his heart, how much he is loved.
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